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Hey, water you laughing at?

A curated selection of the wittiest dad jokes for a soggy world.

We get it — on the surface, water may not seem like the most amusing topic. Important? Moist certainly!

When you gather your family around the dinner table for an evening of joke-swapping, you might not necessarily think of leading with a deluge of damp dad jokes.

Well, we’re here to refresh that mindset for you.

Join us as we plunge deep into the wonderfully wet world of watered-down witticisms, as told by two of Denver Water’s most humid humorists:

  • Vic Alejandro, IT program manager/professional actor/actual standup comedian/wears a bucket hat.
  • Lars Ellingson, senior treatment engineer/official czar of the dad joke/rocks socks and sandals.

The material:

What beverage excels in dance class?

  • Tap water.

What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?

  • Dam

Why did the Greek god of the sea call in sick to work?

  • He got food Poseidon-ing

What do you call a fish with no eye?

  • Fshhhhh.

How do you make your waterbed extra bouncy?

  • Fill it with spring water.

What do you call a bigfoot who lives in a lake?

  • A Weti.

What do you call an alligator who likes to water his plants?

  • An irri-gator.

What would you call John Cena if he was a swimmer?

  • Aqua-Cena

Do you know why you can’t swim in Marston?

  • Because it’s … Forebay-den (unless you’re doing rescue dive training with Denver Fire Department).

Why did the boiling water disappear?

  • I don’t know. It’s a mist-ery.

What do the Colorado River and a field of potatoes have in common?

  • They’re both full of tubers.

What do you call it when a pipe crew is fast at tapping?

  • Riverdance.

Bonus jokes because we dew what we want:

What did one raindrop say to the other?

  • Two’s company, three’s a cloud.

Why are the watermelons having a big wedding?

  • Because they can’t-elope.

A friend of mine used to live in a lake filled with ducks but he moved.

  • Too many bills.

Did I tell you I was terrible at water polo?

  • The horses just didn’t want to swim.

What did the lake say to the river?

  • Nothing. It only waved.

Why shouldn’t you tell jokes on a frozen lake?

  • It might crack up.

Dropped my phone in the local lake.

  • It’s syncing.

How does a water spy say hello?

  • “Name’s Bond … Hydrogen Bond.”

Why doesn’t water ever laugh at my jokes?

  • They’re too dry.

What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?

  • Hail.

What is the king’s other favorite type of precipitation?

  • Reign.

Why are rivers bad planners?

  • They prefer to go with the flow.

I dropped my laptop into the lake.

  • Now it’s Adele, rolling in the deep.

Drinking water is so popular but I don’t really get the hype.

  • Maybe it’s just too mainstream.

I don’t get why salmon swim upstream.

  • It’s so inef-fish-ent.

What do water people think of hydropower?

  • They hold it in high e-steam.